Truthful Tuesdays: Bitterness

bitterness

I’m a little ashamed to admit this, but below is a copy of a real email that I sent to my friend MK.  In a small way I was trying to be funny, but in a much larger way I was being far too honest.

So my last “long term relationship” (approx 2 months) was with a guy who is a die-hard Eagles fan.  As a Philadelphian, you of all people know that there are 2 kinds of Eagles fans.  There are Eagles fans and there are EAGLES fans.  Yeah, he was the second kind.  And not in a good way.  He is legit one of those guys who cries himself to sleep after a loss and then sulks through life for the next 3 days.  Thankfully our “long” relationship spanned the time at the end of football season when the birds were already knocked out of the playoffs so I didn’t have to experience the madness first hand.

Anyhoo, is it bad that I silently revel in the Eagles’ defeat, knowing how much pain and misery it is causing him?  Is it sad that I smile knowing that he will treat the Reid firing like a death in the family?  Is it wrong that I giggle a little bit thinking how his new girlfriend might break up with him out of pure annoyance?  Am I a terrible person?  Or just human?

My life should totally be a taylor swift song.

Yep, that was real.  And it begs a very real questions.  Why do we hold on to bitterness for so long.  Why is it so difficult to let go of the people and the situations that have hurt us the most?  Is it human nature, is it honest emotions, or is it a sad side effect of our generation’s delusional view that we are the center of the universe?  I’m not sure of the answer to that question, but what I am sure of is the fact that I don’t want to be the kind of person who harbors bitterness in her life.

I’m just not sure the best way to let go of it, because this definitely isn’t the only pocket of my life where you’ll find feelings of resentment hiding.  I still hold a grudge against a college teammate and I often recall the hurtful words of family members, even though I know they were said with no real meaning.  Even worse, I sometimes find myself reopening the  wounds of being one of the “dorky” kids in high school.  Seriously, isn’t it just time to let it go?  Just. Let. It. Go.  I know it’s easier said than done, but 2013 is going to be the year that I focus on leaving the baggage of the past behind and celebrating the good happening in this very moment.  There is only one way to be a happy person, and that is to actually allow yourself to be happy.  Allowing ourselves to become buried in feelings of bitterness does nothing to help the cause, and I don’t think anyone says it better than my musical obsession of the last few years, the Zac Brown Band.

Keep your heart above your head and you eyes wide open
So this world can’t find a way to leave you cold
Know you’re not the only ship out on the ocean
Save your strength for things that you can change
Forget the ones you can’t
You gotta let it go

Can I get an AMEN to that one!?

XOXO,

Tall One

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